do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
