I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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