the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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