Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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