You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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