Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
