The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
