I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
