He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
