Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
