Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
