I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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