I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
