Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
