I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize