i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
