Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Houston, we have a blender
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
