it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Even the bartender felt bad for me
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
