Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
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