I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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