Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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