holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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