i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
