Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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