she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
