I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I looked at my own cervix.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Randomize