so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
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