I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize