so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
