I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
