You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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