So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Don't EVER smell your tampon
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
