At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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