so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
