Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
