Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
