Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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