I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
