you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
