batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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