Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
