nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
It's like God shit irony all over that family
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
