i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
