ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
