Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
