it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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