Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
