well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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