Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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