I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
