dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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