so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
