my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
they need to just BURY HIM!
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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