YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize