why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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