I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
