If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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