new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
