Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
My breasts were aching with rage.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
