I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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