I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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