I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
