The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
