I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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