i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
