Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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