Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
