I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
